After having some strings pulled, I managed to get into the specialist today, many months ahead of schedule. I was hoping that he could unlock something, anything really to make the pain go away. It is better, but then the drugs are helping out, but with these drugs, I cannot stay on them for any length of time. According to Wikpedia, the oracle of all things truthful, it is also used to treat syphilis just in case I feel well enough to start painting the town red! Small giggle at one of the side effects being "euphoria", maybe that is why it is linked to syphilis :-) After reading the long list of side effects, any thoughts of euphoria are quickly gone.
The difficulty about the appointment today is that the Doctor had preconceived thoughts about fitness and goals. Apparently I need to somehow embrace fitness, and keep moving, despite what sometimes feels like rigor mortis setting in. Never mind the complete absence of energy, it is simply about setting oneself small goals and then achieving them.
I didn't know what sort of reaction was the best, an insulting tirade about how I love exercise, detest sitting idle at all, and actually maintain a 65 life plan or to just sigh. I am trying to move at the moment, but I am very fearful about what will happen after the next week when we start to eliminate the super drug.
We did talk about other options, with nothing being hopeful. I am too small in size to have any serious drugs, and unless my joints start to fuse they are not going to try that avenue. Other medication options are completely ruled out due to the links with cancer. I am already on an annual medical watch list, with several surgeries under the belt. We could try injections into the spine, but I could tell by the little pursed lips that this was more of a token gesture of something, and that to "TRY" was not going to be pleasant, nor did he actually think it would be of benefit.
Somehow I have to find a way to just keep moving one foot in front of the other, and hope that there is some relief coming from somewhere. I am being sternly advised to actually take the sleep medication, to at least give my body some chance to rest over night. The added bonus of insomnia with the pain is just the best, and provides so much assistance to the enormous stamina and energy levels THAT I DON'T HAVE. OK rant over, denial is clearly not working, so I just need to get on with something.
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