Family Ties

I am not sure what shows the time more, the fact that the child in this picture is to be married this year, or the inclusion of the sticker on the picture!  My family was torn apart very early on in my childhood by divorce.  Although there were other significant considerations in the equation that assisted with my decisions, I chose a side.  The impacts of that decision still ripple through my life today.

As a result, I spent very little time with relatives on my father's side of the the family.  I chose to not be close to them initially, and then time took care of the rest.  With an absence in my formative years, it was little wonder that the other half of the family did not understand who I was, or what I would grow to become. 

But as with the pressure of families, I was asked to do, say and feel things that I could not, things that went against my moral compass.  My life in general would have been so much easier, if I could only learn to do that, but I have not been willing to bend.  I see the same trait in my daughter, and although at times it is frustrating, I do understand where she is coming from.

I had two Grandmothers and no Grandfathers in my life, and they just always seemed to be old.  When my Mother's Mother passed away I felt a huge loss in my life.  Many years later when I received the news that my Father's Mother was aging rapidly and in ill health, I had to take some time to think about whether I wanted to travel across the country to visit.  Christmas is not my favourite time of year, it holds too many family memories that I struggle to deal with.  I finally decided that I would travel, but it would not be in December.

After booking the travel, I had mentally prepared for the visit.  Time was not my friend, and she died before we had travelled.  I also did not take the opportunity to go to the funeral, and in hearing the stories from my sister, well I am glad I did not, I didn't need to interact with any of the relatives, and I would not have been able to hold my tongue.  Instead I will remember the moments frozen in time from the few photographs I have.

My sister has spent much time on the other side of the family, and she did struggle with all of it.  She is much closer to our Father, and has taken yet another opportunity to encourage him to visit our life.  It is possibly this news that has created the most torture for me.  I am sure he will not come, and it hurts me to see the anguish on my little sister, knowing she keeps trying to reach him, and he continues to disappoint her.  On the other hand, if he did come, well what will I do, say or think about a the chasm of our 25 years in silence?